The birth of a child is a transforming event, when strong emotions and instincts are brought to the fore. As parents you have the new responsibility of caring for a child, at the same time your relationship with each other has changed along with your role in family and community. In most faith traditions and cultures rites of passage associated with birth help mark and manage this transition as well as serving to introduce and connect a child to the wider circle of family and community.

In absorbing addition to all the changes a child brings, interfaith couples have the added stress of deciding about their child’s faith and nurture. Even when these decisions have been made in advance, a real flesh and blood child in your arms has a way of changing how you both feel about the issues. Birth rituals of one kind or another are an expression of joy, spiritual meaning and commitment to parenthood and to family bonds across generations but at the same time, by symbolically including a child in a community they can suggest exclusion from the other community. As an interfaith couple you do have certain options, but it helps if you approach them from a position of wanting to avoid hurting each other over something which is naturally emotive.

When you’re thinking about birth celebrations consider:

• Is it possible to have a celebration which includes both families and communities, such as a joint baby blessing, an inter faith blessing or to have rites performed in each faith at different occasions? A few families have designed their own baby welcoming services, which draw on elements from both their traditions.
  
  
• If the child is being introduced into only one faith tradition, for example through baptism, is it possible to have a baby-shower or other welcoming event for the rest of the family, so that those relatives and friends are not effectively ‘left out’ of the birth celebration because of religious difference?
  
  
• If one of you is from a background where christening is normally expected, could you have a service of thanksgiving for the birth of your child instead? This need not be in the church, and can include elements from both faiths.
  
  
• Are both parents (and grandparents) are fully involved and included in the ritual if they wish to be?
  
  
• If there is a special family garment, such as a christening gown, can it be used without upsetting or offending anyone?
  
  
• If you choose godparents or sponsors for your child, do they understand the special circumstances of an interfaith family, and will they encourage respect for both faiths and traditions?
  
  
• If a traditional birth-celebration in either faith is too hard for one of you but important to the other, could you consider each of you introducing the child to their faith independently, without the pressure of a family occasion, and do the meeting and greeting at a gathering for all?